The Oddest Partners in Private Eye History

Writing under the pseudonym A. A. Fair, Gardner turned the hardboiled private eye genre on its head. Bertha Cool is a profane, tight-fisted, cigar-puffing widow whose only religion is collecting her fee. Donald Lam is a ninety-eight-pound disbarred attorney who cannot win a fistfight, but whose razor-sharp grasp of legal loopholes and human psychology leaves police detectives and syndicate bosses gasping.

The Agency Fee "$25 A DAY AND EXPENSES" Cash on the barrelhead. No discounts. No exceptions.
Showing all 29 Cool & Lam novels
1939 Cool & Lam

The Bigger They Come

Client: Morgan Birks

Donald Lam, a disbarred young attorney weighing under a hundred pounds, applies for a job at the B. Cool Detective Agency. Bertha Cool, an overweight, profane woman whose fee is 5 a day and expenses, sends him to serve a subpoena on a witness in an Arizona murder case.

"Fry me for an oyster! Twenty-five dollars a day and expenses, and not a red cent less!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald Lam discovers a famous legal loophole in the state extradition statutes: if a man shoots someone across state lines without setting foot in the jurisdiction, he cannot be legally extradited under current treaty language.
1940 Cool & Lam

Turn on the Heat

Client: Dr. Claude Newberry

Bertha Cool is hired by a shadowy client who calls himself Smith to locate the long-lost wife of an aspiring city politician. Donald traces her to a small valley town where a corrupt municipal machine tries to run him out of town.

"You little runt, if you let us get sued for false arrest I will skin you with a dull potato peeler!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses municipal utility billing records and tax assessor parcel numbers to uncover an official patronage kickback racket.
1940 Cool & Lam

Gold Comes in Bricks

Client: Alta Ashbury

A wealthy scion is being fleeced by a high-stakes crooked bridge and poker syndicate. Donald is hired to figure out how the cards are marked, but walks into an oil stock fraud and a murder.

"A hundred dollars an hour is grand larceny, Donald, but if they want to pay it, we take cash!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald figures out the infrared marking code on the backs of playing cards using polarized sunglasses.
1941 Cool & Lam

Spill the Jackpot

Client: Leonard F. Hastings

A prospective bride disappears from a luxury California resort hours before her wedding, taking an expensive diamond ring. Donald trails her into the neon casino underworld of Reno, Nevada.

"Donald, when money speaks in Reno, you listen with both ears and hold onto your wallet with both hands."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald decodes mechanical reel braking pins in vintage slot machines to expose rigged payouts and establish an alibi.
1942 Cool & Lam

Double or Quits

Client: Dr. Hilton Teasdale

An insurance company wants to locate a missing cache of blue-white diamonds before they pay out twenty thousand dollars on a safe robbery claim.

"Cash on the barrelhead, Donald. The insurance boys are tighter than bark on a tree."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses micro-scale balance weights and specific gravity water displacement tests to prove the vault diamonds were switched for paste glass.
1942 Cool & Lam

Owls Don't Blink

Client: Carl Talcot

Bertha Cool and Donald Lam head to New Orleans to track down a missing witness who holds the key to an inheritance dispute, crossing paths with Southern river gamblers and corrupt police.

"New Orleans is too hot for corsets and too humid for arguments. Just get the fee!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses Mississippi riverboat ferry schedules and counterfeit notary seals to dismantle the witness timeline.
1942 Cool & Lam

Bats Fly at Dusk

Client: A Blind Beggar

A blind man with a seeing-eye dog is struck by a hit-and-run driver in downtown Los Angeles. A dropped briefcase leads Donald to a suburban mansion where bats swarm an attic window above a corpse.

"I am running a detective agency, Donald, not a charitable home for street beggars!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses auditory sonar echolocation principles and blind canes to reconstruct the geometry of the room.
1943 Cool & Lam

Cats Prowl at Night

Client: Cedric L. Hurston

With Donald Lam away serving in the U.S. Navy during World War II, Bertha Cool must personally handle a delicate blackmail case involving an eccentric inventor and a midnight intruder in a storm.

"Donald is off fighting the Japanese, so Bertha has to do the heavy thinking. God help everybody!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Bertha relies on pure street instinct, blunt intimidation, and lock-picking tricks Donald left in the office files.
1944 Cool & Lam

Give 'Em the Ax

Client: Frank Sellers

A street accident involves a motorist who tries to pay off a damaged fender with crisp hundred-dollar bills. A bloody hand ax found in a sedan trunk pulls Bertha into a double-cross.

"They think Bertha Cool is soft because she weighs two hundred pounds. Wait till they try to take my fee!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald provides coded legal strategy via wartime letters to guide Bertha through police interrogations.
1946 Cool & Lam

Crows Can't Count

Client: Shirley Tanner

Donald Lam returns from the Navy with his health battered. The agency is retained to recover an emerald necklace taken to Colombia, South America, involving emerald smugglers and customs fraud.

"Welcome back, Donald. You look like you need a beefsteak, but first go earn us ten grand."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses emerald refractive index metrics and international air cargo customs manifests to corner the ringleader.
1947 Cool & Lam

Fools Die on Friday

Client: Hartley Basset

A wealthy client receives anonymous letters predicting that his invalid wife will die of poisoning on a specific Friday. Donald is hired to prevent the homicide, but poison strikes exactly as predicted.

"If a fool wants to die on Friday, let him pay us in advance on Thursday."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses stomach-pump toxicology timing and chemical antagonism between arsenic and calcium antidotes to pinpoint the killer.
1949 Cool & Lam

Bedrooms Have Windows

Client: Carlotta Tipton

Donald Lam visits a cocktail lounge and picks up a beautiful brunette who asks him to pretend to be her escort at a private roadhouse, dragging him into an extortion scheme and murder.

"Donald, when a dame in a slinky black dress asks you for a favor, check your watch, check your wallet, and run the other way."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses motel neon lighting flash reflections and window angles to establish optical line-of-sight in court.
1952 Cool & Lam

Top of the Heap

Client: John Hunter

A client wants an alibi for the night an illegal poker casino was held up, but Donald suspects the alibi is camouflage for the murder of an oil speculator.

"Top of the heap or bottom of the ditch, Bertha Cool collects her retainer first!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald exposes fraudulent night-club check stubs and photostat alterations under courtroom pressure.
1953 Cool & Lam

Some Women Won't Wait

Client: Linda Calhoun

Bertha and Donald travel to Honolulu, Hawaii, to protect a wealthy widow being blackmailed over letters written to an adventurer who met with a fatal fall from a cliff.

"Pineapples, hula skirts, and fifty dollars a day plus first-class travel expenses. Pack the bags!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses Hawaiian trade-wind weather barometrics and floral lei customs to disprove the suicide theory.
1956 Cool & Lam

Beware the Curves

Client: John Ansel

An old murder conviction in an oil-boom town six years ago is questioned when an author writing a true-crime article hires the Cool & Lam agency to find a key missing witness.

"You little runt, every time you take a case involving a blonde with curves, we end up in the police line-up!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald challenges the legal doctrine of dying declarations and unearths an unrecorded surveyor field book.
1957 Cool & Lam

You Can Die Laughing

Client: David Wells

A client suspects his wife is consulting spiritualist mediums to locate a hidden fortune left by a deceased mining engineer, ending in a poisoned cocktail.

"Spirits can rap on tables all they want, Donald, but Bertha does not take checks from the spirit world!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald exposes fraudulent electronic spirit-trumpet speakers and ventriloquism props hidden in the floorboards.
1957 Cool & Lam

Some Slips Don't Show

Client: Barney Cullens

A businessman wakes up in a luxury hotel with a hangover, finding his wallet missing and a diamond clip in his pocket, terrified his wife will find out.

"Men are fools, Donald. Big fools with checkbooks. That is why God created private investigators."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald analyzes hotel dry-cleaning receipts and pawn broker ledger registries to defuse the frame.
1958 Cool & Lam

The Count of Nine

Client: Blowers Lang

An explorer who returned from the Amazon jungle has rare poisoned blowgun darts stolen from his trophy room, which are soon used in an impossible murder.

"Curare darts! If anybody sticks a poisoned needle into Bertha Cool, I will bite their ears off!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald demonstrates the pharmacological curare blood-absorption speed and uses air-conditioning airflow mechanics to show how the dart was fired.
1959 Cool & Lam

Pass the Gravy

Client: Norma Brooks

A missing husband whose life insurance policy is about to expire under the seven-year presumption of death statute suddenly appears to be spotted eating in an Idaho diner.

"Pass the gravy and pass the checks. When money smells like trouble, Bertha takes a double helping."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald proves the diner patron was an engineered lookalike hired to restart the seven-year statute of limitations.
1960 Cool & Lam

Kept Women Can't Quit

Client: Carl Rollins

A daring armored car robbery yield of one hundred thousand dollars in unmarked bank notes turns up in a suburban washing machine, involving a client who claims innocence.

"One hundred thousand dollars in crisp bills! My heart is fluttering, Donald, and my palm is itching!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses currency serial band stamps and Federal Reserve ink tests to prove police planted the money.
1961 Cool & Lam

Bachelors Get Lonely

Client: George Andrews

A voyeuristic neighbor watching through binoculars suspects a murder has taken place in the opposite apartment, pulling Donald into real-estate blackmail.

"Bachelors get lonely, but Bertha Cool stays rich. Keep your mind on the fee, Donald."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses telescopic focal length equations and window screen diffraction to challenge the eyewitness identification.
1961 Cool & Lam

Shills Can't Cash Chips

Client: Harry Nelson

An insurance adjuster suspects an auto accident injury claim is an organized fraud ring, but Donald finds the claimant dead in a roadside ravine.

"Shills, swindlers, and insurance chiselers! Donald, bite them before they bite us!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses insurance claims actuary tables and orthopedic X-ray radiograph comparisons to break the scam.
1962 Cool & Lam

Try Anything Once

Client: Carlton Dixon

A private client asks Donald to accompany him to a motel cabin rendezvous to witness that no immoral conduct occurs, only for a woman to be found suffocated in the closet.

"Try anything once, Donald, but never try walking into court without our fee deposited in escrow!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses motel registry handwriting signatures and carbon paper transfer impressions to expose the ring.
1963 Cool & Lam

Fish or Cut Bait

Client: Jarvis Dixon

An attractive executive assistant is targeted with anonymous threatening telephone calls, leading Donald to an offshore gambling ship off the California coast.

"Fish or cut bait! Either we nail this big-shot for twenty grand or I will shake you till your teeth rattle!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald employs maritime radar position plots and shipboard telephone relay logs to trap the extortionist.
1964 Cool & Lam

Up for Grabs

Client: Homer Kelton

A fraudulent medical disability claimant claiming whiplash from a minor bus accident is trailed to a Palm Springs resort, where diamond smuggling turns deadly.

"Palm Springs sunshine and luxury expense accounts. Just make sure every martini is on the client!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses hidden high-speed telephoto cinematography to catch the claimant performing athletic dives.
1965 Cool & Lam

Cut Thin to Win

Client: Grover C. Dixon

An insurance fraud investigation involves a client whose company is being shaken down over an engineered rear-end collision.

"Cut it thin to win, but do not slice it so thin that the fee falls through the cracks!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald calculates vehicle impact crumple zones and paint transfer micro-spectroscopy to prove the accident was staged.
1966 Cool & Lam

Widow's Web

Client: Madge Ordway

A distraught widow seeks Donald's help when her husband's life insurance is contested under suspicions that he faked his drowning in the Pacific Ocean.

"Widow's weeds look better with a six-figure insurance check pinned to them, Donald."
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses coastal oceanic current drift models and dental identification records to resolve the estate.
1967 Cool & Lam

Traps Need Fresh Bait

Client: Althea Farr

Donald Lam answers an employment classified ad that is an obvious trap to frame a private investigator for burglary, turning the tables on the conspirators.

"If they set a trap for us, Donald, make sure you eat the cheese and leave them with the spring on their fingers!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses a hidden tape recorder and jurisdictional police venue lines to catch the district attorney investigators red-handed.
1970 Cool & Lam

All Grass Isn't Green

Client: Milton C. Dix

Donald and Bertha are hired to locate a missing writer who vanished while researching the cross-border smuggling of illegal goods across the Mexican border.

"The last case, Donald. They paid cash, the check cleared, and Bertha Cool is still the smartest woman in California!"
Donald's Legal Gambit: Donald uses border patrol surveillance checkpoints and vehicle gas tank secret compartments to solve the homicide.